People who know me know that I am a true advocate for Human Rights for animals. All my friends had dying pets when I was growing up, so I thought it was appropriate anytime I'd see them to always ask if their pet was still alive. Most of my friends stopped finding this funny as I continue to ask about the dead pets that have left this world 10 years ago. So it may come as a surprise when I tell you about this time that I fell over in laughter at a sushi restaurant in regards to a handicapped animal.
This animal didn't start off handicapped....it was forced into handicappness at the hands of all you zoo goers....
So get this...my first Portland friends came here from the Oklahoma and they told me about their zoo among other strange things that aren't that far off from life in South Carolina. I have no recollection to anything else they said that night because my ears are selfish and will only listen if something interests me. So when the discussion of a giraffe at their zoo had a bent neck....you bet your fine black ass I started paying attention to the conversation that I'm assuming was already an hour or two deep. "Giraffe" "Bent" "Neck" all words that were going to immediately catch my attention after I watched and rewatched and rewatched that youtube video of the giraffes fighting. Insane, check it out.
"Wait, what?" I profoundly profounded. So they tell me a while ago the Tulsa Zoo had been announcing the arrival of Amali, the female giraffe coming to breed with whatever jock giraffe they had locked up in the giraffe exhibit. The idiots, however, transported this poor animal in a fucking semi trailor. I know its awful, but I couldn't handle the thought of a giraffe riding all the way from Africa(?) in a shipping container with its neck tilted at a 90 degree angle. Which direction did they tilt Amali's neck? Who knows...I don't even have a recommendation of how to tilt the giraffes head in a container to make it suck the least. I hate when my hair touches the ceiling in a car, I can't imagine what this long necked horse must have felt. I also begain wondering if it laid down in the trailer like a dog, but instead of curling its head in and rests on its front paws, she just curled it 2 or 3 times before letting it rest on the ground before her. So kinda half horse half Arby's curly fry action. I also imagined the giraffe on its belly and the neck stretched out way out in front and the legs sprawled out to the left and right side. The key to this, however, is to cut holes in the side of the trailer for the feet.
Well anyway, so the idiots of Tulsa, Oklahoma were really excited, then bummed yet curious as to why this giraffe was shaped like a question mark, then sad because Amali didn't live more than two weeks in Tulsa. Those are the 5 steps of giraffe mourning. If you went back to see if I listed 5 steps, fuck you.
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